Maria Montessori wrote a lot about three-year-olds, capturing their unique and intense developmental phase. Simply put, three-year-olds are unique. There is no other stage in life like this one regarding brain development. During this time, children transition from a state of unconsciousness to a state of consciousness, characterized by increased awareness and intentionality in their activities, strong likes and dislikes, and the beginning of a personality under rapid construction. From birth until age three, children absorb everything around them unconsciously—sounds, sights, smells, textures, words, and more. Experts say that the first two years are crucial for attachment to caregivers, setting the stage for everything that follows. Maria Montessori referred to this early capacity as “psychic powers,” where children learn and build their brains and personality simply by being immersed in their environment.
More About The Brain
At three years old, a child typically has around 80-100 billion neurons, and while the number of neurons is relatively high, the number of synaptic connections—connections between neurons—is even greater. Early childhood is a period of brain development involving forming and pruning these connections as children grow and interact with their environment. When you look at your three-year-old, even at rest, see a child whose brain is hard at work!
More about Three Behavior
As children approach age three, they continue to absorb information but now do so consciously. This newfound awareness leads to heightened reactions to even minor changes or disruptions. For example, a child might have a meltdown if they can’t sit in their preferred chair, or if their clothing isn’t just right, or if there’s a change in their routine. Toileting is another area where strong feelings can emerge. If a child has recently become independent with toileting, they might resist going to the bathroom or have accidents if they feel pressured. Sometimes, a child’s obsession with a friend or activity can even lead them to have accidents rather than leave their play. Toileting can be an area where control and stress manifest. Three-year-olds generally care more about others than they did a year ago, and their friendships and interactions can become intensely focused. Any deviation from their expectations about how to play, what to play, roles, and outcomes can lead to meltdowns.
What To Do
You may have observed significant changes if you have a three-year-old or a toddler approaching three. It’s important to note that every child is unique, and there’s no single “rule” for this stage. If your child remains calm and consistent, that’s wonderful! However, some three-year-olds show up with moodiness, obsessions, intense reactions, and emotional ups and downs that make the “terrible twos” seem like a cupcake party. The good news is that this neurological explosion typically lasts about a year. Your child is undergoing rapid, intense brain development while becoming more social and aware, which can be overwhelming for them—and for the adults who love them. What they need from us to is to realize they are not giving us a hard time, they are having a hard time. Neurologically, it’s a magical time, and soon enough, the chaos of three will give way to a more calm, thoughtful, poised, purposeful way of being, typical of children leaving early childhood (approaching six). Patience, love, deep breaths and reverence for the incredible design of the human brain are all that’s needed!
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